Bloggy woggy goodness

Again, I haven't blogged for a while. No good excuse, life just gets in the way.
Life is no less busy not than any other time, but i'm on enforced rest and being babysat. I am awaiting Christmas surgery, to protect my lungs from further acid damage, and perhaps give them the chance to rest and recouperate; but first, I need to be in a fit state for an anaesthetic, something I have been told I am not at the moment.
Lung function is currently floating at a record low, something which I didn't think I was due to hit for a few years. Generally I feel i'm pretty resilient and bounce back well, but i have undoubtedly been knocked for six this time, or perhaps for seven. This week has been sad all round, three friends/ acquaintances with CF have died, well before their time. CF 'friends' and the community we exist within is a strange one, despite having never met, and often never having had lengthy conversatioins, we seem to have this unspoken, unwritten bond. Such losses therefore are bound to hit each of us hard, and those of us who are struggling at the time particularly forcefully. It could so very easily have been one of us.
The CF community can also become quite insular at times like this, and i fear i fall foul of excluding my 'normal' friends, for fear of them not understanding, for fear of scaring them, for fear
That said, sometimes one ecounters a person who is enormously self-engrossed, vainglorious and egocentric. I am quite certain I have been guilty of this at times, and no doubt could do with a good shake now and then, but some people never fail to amaze, and disappoint me. Don't worry, I'm not forgetting I am generally surrounded by the best friends a girl could ask for, and count my blessings ever day.
Although merely recouperating from a chest infection, brought on by a cold, brought on by an attempt to behave normally at a friends wedding: I am on somewhat precarious ground. Walking is immensely hard work, the cold air steals my breath; the stairs are my nemesis, they leave me unsteady and wanting once I have reached the top, showering requires all of my days spoons (see previous post) and staying awake requires energy. This is not always the case, but it's rare now that I can take a day in my stride,The time has come for me to consider swallowing my pride and accepting help, and again, I use this blog to get there. This blog was begun in the hope I could share with my friends feelings and explanations I felt uncomfortable expressing or unsuitable interjecting in a more social situation. I ask you to take this in the same vein, and deal with it yourself, rather than making it a further challenge for me to face, another taboo for me to broach with you, I'm still me. There's nothing wrong with my brain, my intellect, my head.
I'm going to reach out to anything that might help with both hands, and continue to embrace life, living it to the full.