A late night ramble

I often feel quite lonely, isolated at times. I don't like to talk about my illness to friends, they just accept my daily regimen of being beaten, downing so many tablets i rattle when shaken, and frequent stays in the 'hotel' as they like to call it; but sometimes i wish they could have just a little insight into my life- of what it's like to keep it all in for fear of upsetting those you care about most.
Over the past 12 months my health has deteriorated 'disastorously' (the exact wording used in my hospital notes, which they think i don't sneak a peak at). I have gone from being a largely normal, healthy, happy person with a successful future stretched out ahead of me- to someone who doesn't know what the next day will bring, and doesn't dare to plan for the coming christmas- never mind next year. Some days i simply don't have the energy to leave the house, and people wonder why i don't jump for joy at the thought of participating in a lenghty hike or a muddy music festial. I have watched friends grow more distant as they get on with their lives, family more scared as they try to pretend it's not happening, and doctors more perplexed as i add one complication to another. This decline has culminated in discussion about a double lung transplant- and the chances this might bring. The fact is however, only half of those accepted as ill enough to need such a transplant ever get the chance to recieve one. This country has a chronic shortage of organ donors, leading to the loss of many young lives and the devestation of many others left behind. Perhaps this is why i haven't wanted to be upfront with you about how things have changed; perhaps i don't want to be viewed any differently to how i always have been; perhaps i haven't yet accepted this myself, and therefore am not ready for you to be let into this world.
Thankfully, this is a world you can leave just as quickly as you entered it. For the friends i have, waiting on the kindness of a stranger to allow them to regain their lives, walking away is not this simple.
Please think about joining the organ donor register today, and save people the heartache of having to say goodbye before their time.

http://www.uktransplant.org.uk/ukt/how_to_become_a_donor/registration/consent.jsp

There are many wonderful things going on in my life, and many things i have to look forward to (more of these to follow in further posts); but i felt some of you were owed an explanation, and this- for me at least- is the most painless way of doing it.

New beginnings

I've been trying to begin this blog for ages, but typically, thus far i've only managed to make it look pretty. On a similar note, i'm currently training for a 5 kilometre race in September, being run by a group of girls to raise money for the Cystic Fibrosis Trust.

http://www.justgiving.com/cfangels2008

Now you may wonder how that is a 'similar note'- but again, i have simply made it look pretty- and purchased a rather gorgeous, floaty and very girly fairy dress! (Those who know my technological skills will be just as surprised as i am that i've managed to upload a picture!)

Said dress

My training plan, on the other hand, is a somewhat less pretty picture! How i am going to drag myself around a 5 km undulating course if i can't currently carry myself around the supermarket and back?

This blog is (fingers crossed) going to encourage my training plan, as i'll feel terribly guilty should i not follow it when other people are keeping an eye on me! Although, maybe i am talking to myself on this blog- which will make a nice change from me talking to myself out-loud where everyone else can hear me :- )